


nights we dreamed of a tomorrow

by lumalaya



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, Confrontations, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, F/F, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Roommates, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 02:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumalaya/pseuds/lumalaya
Summary: The school year’s ending, and Seulgi’s decided it’s time for her feelings as well.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	nights we dreamed of a tomorrow

When Seulgi enters her dorm room, she’s surprised to hear a voice other than Joohyun’s.

“Joohyun? I’m back,” she calls out, toeing off her shoes by the door. She notices an unfamiliar pair of sneakers lined up with the rest against the wall.

“Oh, my roommate’s back from her classes,” she can hear Joohyun saying to someone else.

Seulgi frowns for a moment while walking down the hallway, but quickly replaces it with a smile when she nears the living room and finally sees the two. Although she’s surprised by the sudden guest, she doesn’t want to be rude.

“Hi,” Seulgi greets reluctantly as she gives the boy a tight-lipped smile. She turns to Joohyun, asking, “Who’s this?”

“Seulgi, this is Minho,” Joohyun introduces the boy, looking between the two of them. “Minho, this is Seulgi.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Minho smiles a bit too casually for Seulgi’s comfort. She wishes she could say the same.

“We were on our way to the library after class when it started raining, and the dorm was closer so we made a run for it.”

Seulgi looks around the living room, seeing the closed economics textbook on the coffee table. It’s like the two hadn’t even tried to pretend to be busy, sitting too closely to each other for Seulgi’s liking. She swallows, trying to ignore the weak attempt at studying.

What she can’t ignore, however, is the mug in Minho’s hands. He lifts it up to his lips to take a sip, and when his fingers adjust to steady his grip, the all-too-familiar teddy bear design comes into view. The brown illustration contrasts against the yellow ceramic, and normally, the sight would comfort her, but the long fingers around it make something red-hot rise within her. This is the last place she wants to be. 

Seulgi starts walking to her room, no longer wanting to make herself endure another second of it, but Joohyun’s voice stops her.

“Hey, where are you going?” she asks, confused as if she’s done nothing wrong. As if Seulgi’s heart isn’t breaking and it isn’t taking everything within her not to run away or burst into tears. 

Seulgi doesn’t want to be that pathetic. She’s embarrassed herself enough already.

“I’m tired,” she mutters, avoiding Joohyun’s eyes.

“We’re watching a movie, wanna join?” Joohyun offers, but Seulgi knows joining them is the last thing Joohyun would want. She knows Joohyun has been waiting for this opportunity for weeks, _months_ even. 

Seulgi thought she could handle it. But seeing Minho in person is a much wilder beast for her heart to conquer compared to simply hearing about him.

“No, it’s fine,” Seulgi forces a smile, trying to make it seem more genuine for Joohyun’s sake. She can see the excitement in her eyes, and no matter how much it hurts, there’s no way she’ll spoil that for her. “Have fun, you two.”

The moment she closes the door to her room and hears the two laughing through the walls, the tears finally spill. Seulgi lets herself cry that afternoon, shaking underneath the covers of her bed and her mouth on her teddy bear to keep any sound from coming out. When she remembers the teddy bear had been a gift from Joohyun two years ago, she cries even harder.

The school year’s ending, and Seulgi’s decided it’s time for her feelings as well.

“Have you told him you like him yet?” Seulgi’s voice is quiet in the darkness of their kitchen, the television still playing in the living room.

“What?” Joohyun nearly exclaims, looking back from where she’s cooking ramen on the stove.

Seulgi leans forward on the kitchen island, resting her cheek on her palm as her feet kick slowly under her seat. All she wants to do is sleep, but no matter how terrified she is of having this conversation, she forces herself to silently wait for Joohyun’s answer.

“Of course not,” Joohyun mutters, as if stating the obvious.

“Why not?” Seulgi asks, even though it’s the last thing she wants to know.

“What if he doesn’t like me back? I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“I’m sure he does.”

Joohyun turns around fully to stare at her, an incredulous look on her face.

“Watch the ramen so it doesn’t boil over,” Seulgi scolds.

“And how are you sure he likes me?” Joohyun ignores her, folding her arms against her chest. “You’ve never met him before today.”

“So what? You’re you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Seulgi rolls her eyes, standing up and heading to the refrigerator. Joohyun watches as she takes a bottle of soju and pulls out a shot glass from the cupboard before going back to her seat. 

If she’s going to have this conversation, she’s going to need at least a little bit of alcohol in her system.

“You have class in the morning,” Joohyun says softly while watching her throw back a shot.

Seulgi ignores her.

“You’re you,” she repeats. “You’re Bae Joohyun, the most gorgeous girl on campus, the smartest, most hardworking person I’ve ever met. So many people are scared of you because of your resting bitch face, but they don’t know how kind you actually are. They don’t know how much you’d sacrifice for the people you love in a heartbeat.” Seulgi quickly pours another shot and drinks it before Joohyun can say anything. “And even if people are intimidated by you, I’m sure most people at least respect you, because that’s what your presence demands. You know how to stand up for yourself and for the people you care about.”

Joohyun licks her lips, unsure. “Why do you sound mad?”

“Do I?” Seulgi coughs, quickly feeling her stomach become hot.

Joohyun furrows her eyebrows, and they stare at each other for a few more moments before Joohyun spins around to turn the stove off. She bends down to get two bowls from the kitchen cabinet, and sets up the table without saying anything. Seulgi takes another shot.

When Joohyun’s poured an equal amount of ramen into each bowl sitting in front of them, she takes a seat across Seulgi. She takes a long swig of water before starting to eat.

“You don’t want soju?” Seulgi asks, starting to feel ridiculous.

“Luckily for you, my first class tomorrow is before yours, so I can wake you up before I leave. Someone’s got to take care of you.”

Seulgi pouts, feeling like a little girl who’s just thrown a tantrum. “I can take care of myself just fine.”

Joohyun sighs, setting her chopsticks down and finally looking Seulgi in the eye. 

“I know you can. I just want to look out for you, just in case.”

Something burns in Seulgi’s chest, something other than soju and ramen. It’s something worse, something more poisonous than all the alcohol in the world. It crawls through her skin, and all she wants to do is run away—run away from her feelings and Joohyun and Minho and this goddamned heart of hers.

“Oh, by the way,” Joohyun says, starting to eat again, “I was thinking of inviting Minho to my graduation party. Would that be weird?”

That familiar tug pulls at Seulgi’s heartstrings, strong and dangerous, and Seulgi pours herself another shot before she can choke on the hurt rising up her system. 

“Why would that be weird?” She swallows down the strong liquid, feeling it slither down her throat in bubbles.

“I don’t know, are we close enough for that?”

_This is unfair. This is totally unfair._

“You’ve literally watched movies together in our dorm.”

Joohyun winces. “Was that too forward?”

“Too forward?” Seulgi scoffs. “He must have been more than pleased, Joohyun.”

A minute passes by, neither of them saying anything.

“You sound mad again. What’s your problem?”

Seulgi groans, head starting to spin as the soju kicks in. She stops swaying her legs and tries to still every part of her body. She rests her forehead in her palm to calm the rush of nerves. Even when she closes her eyes, everything still feels heavy.

“What’s wrong, Seulgi? Tell me.”

Seulgi slowly raises her head, watching how Joohyun looks at her with concern. A thousand feelings rush through her. She doesn’t know if Joohyun is mad. She doesn’t want that. She wants that.

Goddamn it, she just wants Joohyun.

“That was my favorite cup,” she says in a low voice.

“What?” Joohyun narrows her eyes.

Seulgi slightly raises her voice, enunciating each word clearly. “That was my favorite cup.”

“What do you mean?”

Heat flashes in Seulgi’s chest, and she convinces herself it’s the soju. She’d much rather it be the soju than anything else, than anything remotely close to heartbreak, or betrayal, or goodbyes.

“The cup Minho was using earlier. You let him use my favorite cup.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_.”

Joohyun frowns, sitting up straight.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d get mad over that. I won’t do it again.”

“So he’ll be staying over again?”

“What?” Joohyun sputters out.

Seulgi’s fully glaring at her now, no longer trying to cover up her emotions. It may be the alcohol, it may just be her, but either way, she’s had enough of feeling sorry for herself. 

“You didn’t even tell me he’d be coming over, Joohyun.”

“I thought I texted you!”

“Well, you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, I really thought I did.”

Something close to panic shows on Joohyun’s features, and as they stare at each other, Seulgi becomes overwhelmed. She wants to feel bad for being so angry at Joohyun who’s too oblivious for her own good, but she’s been hiding everything she’s been feeling for years. She doesn’t know how much more she can take.

It hurts. It hurts that Joohyun can’t see her the same way, can’t realize that Seulgi’s loved her for so long. How oblivious does she have to be to end up flaunting her soon-to-be boyfriend right in Seulgi’s face—in their shared dorm, of all places?

Seulgi looks around the kitchen, and scans whatever she can see of the living room where she’s sitting. She’s made so many memories in their shared space, most of which she keeps close to her heart. Does Joohyun cherish those memories as much as she does? 

She’s shared a room with Joohyun ever since her freshman year of college, and now she’s close to ending sophomore year and Joohyun’s graduating. Joohyun’s going to finish university and start a new life and leave all of this behind.

Leave Seulgi behind. 

“Will you miss me?” she asks suddenly, desperate to find out.

“What?” Joohyun says, seemingly for the hundredth time tonight.

“Will you miss me when you graduate?”

Joohyun looks at Seulgi like she’s crazy. Maybe she is.

“Of course I will. How is that even a question?”

“Okay.” Seulgi looks down, starting to pick at her nails. “Just wanted to make sure.”

Joohyun sets a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder, startling her. Even when Seulgi jumps in surprise, Joohyun only holds her more firmly.

“What’s really bothering you, Seulgi? You’re worrying me. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you that Minho was coming over, and that I let him borrow your favorite cup. I swear I won’t do it again, even with anybody.”

Seulgi closes her eyes tightly, letting Joohyun’s words wash over her. She thinks about how little time they have left for Joohyun to still need to tell Seulgi about having people over, and everything is moving so quickly and Seulgi wants everything to just stop.

A tear rolls down her cheek, and when she opens her eyes, Joohyun is just as surprised as she is.

“What’s wrong, Seulgi? Tell me, please.”

Seulgi swallows, throat dry as ever. Before she can think better of it, she starts speaking.

“You make me want things I can’t have! And it’s so unfair!”

Seulgi pulls off Joohyun’s hand on her shoulder and stands up, running both hands over her face while trying to get herself together.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I like you so much, Joohyun.” Her voice lowers, nearly a whisper, and Joohyun’s eyes widen. “Haven’t you realized, even after all these years?”

“Seulgi, I—”

“It’s just so unfair, okay? Ever since high school, I’ve looked up to you _so_ much, and I must be nothing but an annoying underclassman—”

“That’s not true—”

“—but I still try to convince myself that I mean something to you, you know? You’re, like, the most important person in the world to me, because you’ve seen me at my best and worst. Hell, you’ve been through it all. You know me better than anyone else, and somehow, that doesn’t scare me. No, it doesn’t scare me at all, because I trust you. You’re the person I trust the most in the world.”

Joohyun has given up on trying to speak by this point, lips pressing together into a firm line. Seulgi sighs.

“You’re so beautiful, my _God_ , and the way people look at you? It drives me crazy. It drives me crazy because for some reason, you don’t see how they look at you—how _I_ look at you! So many people want to fall in love with you, but you always brush them off. Then when you’re with me, you laugh the loudest, smile the brightest. You take care of me so well, and God, sometimes I wish I could have more. Is that selfish of me?”

“Seulgi, no—”

“Is that selfish of me,” Seulgi repeats, “to want more than I can have? Because when I’m around you, I can’t help but feel that way. Sometimes, you smile at me for no reason, and I find myself unable to sleep that night trying to figure out what you’d been thinking. Sometimes, when you put your arm around me and let me fall asleep on your shoulder, I ask myself if this is what it’s like.”

“What’s what like?” Joohyun asks tentatively, confused.

“If this is what being yours feels like. And it hurts, because I know that I’ll never find out.”

Seulgi takes a deep breath, cheeks wet with tears she hadn’t realized had fallen during her outburst. She walks away from the kitchen island to get a glass of water, fanning her face with her hand and trying so hard to calm down. Her nose is clogged and it’s difficult to breathe, but drinking water relieves her just a little bit.

The pain in her chest only hurts even more.

“Seulgi,” Joohyun finally finds her voice, turning around in her seat to look at her.

“What?” Seulgi asks, panting as she takes quick, deep breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Somehow, Seulgi starts sobbing harder. It physically aches, tearing her out from the inside, and she has to grip the counter in order to keep herself upright. She sets her empty glass down, no longer capable of holding back her tears. By now, she’s completely gasping for air, and Joohyun gets up, pulling her into a hug. Seulgi tries to pull away, weakly shoving at Joohyun’s shoulders, but she only holds her tighter.

“I’m really, really sorry,” Joohyun hushes her, caressing the back of her head like she usually would whenever she found Seulgi crying alone in her room. “I’m so stupid for not noticing. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you.”

Seulgi’s sobs get louder, but Joohyun never lets go.

It’s just unfortunate that Joohyun doesn’t love her in the way that she wants.

**Author's Note:**

> second attempt at wlw in the same day. please let me know what you think! i'm also on [ twitter](https://twitter.com/yellowkims) :D
> 
> title from universe by exo :>


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